


This is how it happened...

by Omnicat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, really old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 13:46:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5050816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omnicat/pseuds/Omnicat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HBP post–infirmary setting. Filling in the gaps that the wonderful JK Rowling so kindly leaves us. One of the more humorous possible ways for Remus and Tonks to have finally gotten together: with a little help from Peeves...</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is how it happened...

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Nederlands available: [Zo is het gegaan...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10450845) by [CattyRosea (Omnicat)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omnicat/pseuds/CattyRosea)



Peeves floated around.

Peeves was aimless.

Peeves occasionally bumped into walls.

Because Peeves forgot he could go right through them.

If he wanted.

But Peeves didn’t want to.

Peeves wanted Sherbets.

But the Sherbet Man was gone.

And by now, so was Peeves’s sugar high.

Peeves was left drained.

Listless.

_Mischiefless._

Peeves pitied himself.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts on countless ways of suicide he could not commit, that he did not notice the couple arguing i.e. being dramatic in a deserted corridor. They were neither students nor teachers, and had not spent enough time in the castle over the last few years to have had serious trouble with Peeves. Fresh meat, in a way.

To Peeves, this did not register.

To the only man of the two, however, it did. And so did Peeves’ inattention.

"Peeves, are you all right?" he called out, effectively steering away from a conversation he was dangerously inclined to lose.

Peeves dumbly rotated in the air and stared at Remus Lupin.

"You do not seem quite yourself today, Peeves."

Peeves continued to stare.

"You’re right Remus." the short-haired young woman said, looking the poltergeist over with a frown. Despite her ever-growing need to win the abandoned argument, the uncharacteristic behaviour of the school’s nuisance was troubling. "Normally he’d have come crashing down on us, cackling and calling names and throwing stuff."

Peeves stared down at them stonily and reached into his back pocket, from which he pulled a handful of confetti to stiffly drop over their heads. The witch and wizard looked at each other.

Tonks shrugged her shoulders. "It’s a start."

Remus turned to the apathetic poltergeist again. "Peeves, can you cackle?" he asked in a doctor’s voice.

"Hi. Hi. Hi." said Peeves morosely.

Remus frowned and peered into the troublemaking ghost’s eyes, going as far as to actually step forward to lift his eyelids. Baffling enough, it did not cost him his fingers.

"Call us names?" suggested Tonks. "Do that infamous catchphrase of yours, ‘What might you be doing here at this hour? I should call a Professor.’ or something? Anything?" Now normally, not even Nymphadora Tonks would spout such dangerously thoughtless words. Even to help someone. But Peeves’s miserable state, on top of everything that had happened recently, disconcerted her beyond the point of such trivial concerns.

"Look who we have here Loony Loopy Lupin and Nymphamaniac what are you doing here don’t you know it’s past your bedtime I should call a Professor." droned Peeves tonelessly, giving them both a look that said ‘There, happy now?’.

Remus looked at Tonks for ideas, having run out himself. Luckily, though Remus would not see it as such, Tonks was hit by a brilliant, dazzling wave of inspiration at just that moment.

"Oh please don’t call a Professor, Peeves!" she said in a dramatically passionate voice. "I was just confessing my undying love for Remus. Again." She nudged the slightly shocked werewolf in the side.

He slipped his poker face on and said slowly and steadily: "Yes, and I was once again explaining why her feelings are doomed and will only bring heartbreak to us both."

Tonks shot him a sly grin before turning back to Peeves, hands clasped before her chest, voice pleading. "Do you see how foolish he is, Peeves? The last thing we need now is for you to, say, nick the chocolate bar from Remus’s left robe pocket, take our wands and lock us in that broom closet together. Over there."

Peeves’s eyes lit up glaringly at the mention of chocolate. Remus blanched.

"Sugar!" Peeves screeched, swooping down on the wizard. A rather one-sided struggle followed, and before the poor Marauder knew what was happening, he was lying on his back in a stack of cardboard boxes with a delightedly squealing metamorphmagus in his lap. The closet door was slammed shut and the sound of wrappings being mutilated reached them dimly. Silence, and then a sound like a string of firecrackers going off and Peeves’s "Wheehihihi!" with a peculiar Doppler-effect. The earsore gradually faded into the distance, leaving the broom closet silent.

Eventually, Remus sighed. "I really wish you had not done that, Tonks."

"Don’t worry, that feeling won’t last all that long. I’ll make sure of that." said Tonks suggestively.

"Please don’t do that."

"Do what?"

"Please do not put _that_ _there_."

"Oh, you mean don’t do _this_?"

"Yes! And if you would kindly get off of me, there is something pointy digging into my back."

"Well, if you insist."

"Thank you." said Remus stiffly, scrambling to his feet in the cramped space.

An uncomfortable silence fell, and Tonks could have hit herself for a moment. That was not the best approach, apparently. She would have to do better if she were to make him come to his senses.

Tonks groped in the dark and slipped her hand into his.

"Remus, how long do you mean to keep this up?" she asked quietly.

"For as long as it takes, Tonks." Remus answered, maddeningly calm.

 _Yeah, as long as it takes me to make you crack,_ Tonks thought. She ran her thumb over the back of his hand.

"That won’t be long enough, Remus. I won’t back off. No matter what you say, I love you." she imagined hearing the faint whisper of hair and cloth brushing over skin when he shook his head. "I don’t care that you’re a werewolf, I don’t care that you’re poor, I don’t care that you’re older than me and you know it. I love you for _who_ you are, not for _what_ you are. Just deal with it, would you!" She tentatively put her hand on his cheek, felt the lines of pain and tire carved in his features by the years. A soft, callused hand was placed over her own and Remus heaved a heavy sigh.

"Nymphadora..."

"Call me Nymphadora one more time and, by Merlin, I will jinx you, Remus Lupin. Deny you love me one more time and I’ll jinx you twice!"

She could feel a smile spread on his face before he moved her hand away.

"Whatever you say... Nymphadora."

That was it. _I have got him!_

"Consider yourself jinxed, Mr. Moony." was the only warning Remus got before the metamorphmagus dug her hands into his sides and started to tickle him mercilessly. Strangely strangled sounds escaped the wizard as he tried not to laugh and squirm too much. There was no way for him to run, Nymphadora all but stood on his toes, so there was really only one option left to him.

"Eek! Stop - please stop... Ack -" he managed to say between gasps.

"Tell me you’re sorry. That you’ll never say such awful things again."

"I am sorry, I won’t say it ever again!"

"Very good." Tonks rested her hands on his hips, noting with satisfaction that he let her stand a lot closer than before. His breathing gradually calmed down while he leaned against the wall and Tonks rested her head against his shoulder. With the air in his lungs, the Marauder gained back some of his dignity.

"Was that all, Ms Tonks? What happened to the magical punishment you promised to bestow on me?" he asked, taunting her in his mild way.

"You’ll get your magical treatment yet, Mr Lupin, don’t you worry." she answered with a lecherous, though invisible grin. "I did promise you two jinxes. It’s just that Mr. Peeves borrowed my wand. Both our wands, if I remember correctly."

After a moment of silence, Remus frantically reached for his wand. And reached again. And again. And again. Again, again and again with the same result.

"Oh dear..."

"Yes love?"

"Not like that. This is not good. How are we going to get out of here?"

"What, are you that attached to your celibacy?"

"Tonks, would you be so kind to remove your hands from my shirt."

"Only if I can take you with it."

Remus groaned.

They were found, eventually. Tonks had let her hair grow long and with a soft, creamy glow to provide a bit of light. Remus’s hair was uncharacteristically untidy and both had fewer clothes on than usual. It could have been explained by how warm it had gotten in that broom closet... Yeah, let’s keep it at that for respectability’s sake.

The burst of frantic energy Peeves had gotten from Remus’s chocolate wore off after a while, but Tonks made sure that he would always have access to sugar from then on.

And as soon as Voldemort was defeated, everyone lived happily ever after, naturally. Obviously.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments on older fics will ALWAYS remain welcome.


End file.
